Imposter Syndrome & the Weight of Self-Doubt

I recently saw a video of a man speaking openly to his younger brother or son. When asked who he looked up to, the boy simply said, “You.” It stopped the man in his tracks. He had gotten sober just two months earlier and never felt worthy of admiration. But his brother (or son) responded and I paraphrase: “Your idea of a role model is someone who is perfect. You’re not perfect, you’re human. But your ability to recover is what I admire the most, you show your imperfections.”

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS

LOW SELF-ESTEEM

That clip hit me hard. As a proud recovering addict, alcoholic, and mental health advocate, I’ve only recently started learning to embrace my own vulnerability. I am a 42 year old African man, father, son, and a very proud and vulnerable human being.

Two and a half years ago, I entered rehab and was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety, and grief. But beneath all those labels was something deeper—crippling low self-esteem. On the outside, I was extroverted, charismatic, and always helping others. Inside, I never felt good enough.

IMPOSTER SYNDROME

This video also reminded me of a moment with my son. Two years ago, when he was just three and a half, he got into my car with his sister and said, “I really like it when you hang out with us, Dad. We always hung out with Mum. I really enjoy hanging out with you also.” That stopped me cold. In that moment, I felt seen, appreciated, and loved despite my faults and failures, this validation came from my son 3.5 years old child. I started looking at myself from their eyes from that moment on.

IMPACTFUL ACTIONS. Stopping negative self-talk.

1. Listen to Those Who Positively Love You – We may not see ourselves as the rock stars we are to others. But when someone gives you a compliment, take it in. Say, “Thank you.” Reflect on it instead of dismissing it.

2. Rewire Your Inner Dialogue – If you wouldn’t say it to a loved one, don’t say it to yourself. Challenge self-criticism. Replace, “I’m not good enough,” with “I’m learning and growing.”

3. Show Up, Even in Small Ways – Whether for your kids, your family, or yourself, consistency matters more than perfection. You may not always be there, but keep trying.

IMPACTFUL STATISTICS. Global vs. African Perspective

Worldwide, studies show that 85% of people suffer from low self-esteem. In Africa, where cultural silence around mental health persists, many battle self-doubt in isolation. Recovery communities are rare, and vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness. But we are changing that narrative.

Here is another statistic, on average a human being has somewhere between 6,000 -12,000 thoughts per day, 80% of those are negative and 95% are repetitive. On average, we allow ourselves 20% positive thoughts and 5% new thoughts. Isn’t that remarkably disappointing.

CALL TO ACTION.

• To those in recovery: A relapse doesn’t erase your progress. Get up, learn from it and keep fighting for your sobriety. Believe in the good others see in you.

• To caregivers: Show grace. Your words carry power.It’s exhausting caring for an addict and alcoholic. Either remain steadfast or distance yourself when you find yourself frustrated and being negative to the addict/alcoholic you care about.

• To everyone: Cut down negative self-talk. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Your Happiness, contentment and Joy will increaese exponentially.

CONCLUSION.

You are worth more than your worst moments. Who you are today matters. Keep showing up. Keep listening. Keep believing.