Impactful Conversations: Seeking Forgiveness, Finding Healing

Step 9 of the 12-step program speaks to the humbling process of seeking and offering forgiveness. Recently, someone from my past—Butterfly—reached out after 10+ years to tell me I had wronged her. Though I had asked for forgiveness over a decade ago, her pain remained. Her message, received at 1 a.m., caught me off guard and brought confusion, panic, and deep vulnerability.

Confronting the Past

When Butterfly messaged me, I was struck by the realization that someone I thought I had made amends with was still suffering. It forced me to question whether my original apology had been enough. In my initial response, I felt defensive, tempted to protect myself from the shame of revisiting the past. But I listened to her pain, realizing that while I had moved on, her wounds were still raw.

Our conversation also revealed something deeper: it wasn’t just my past actions that had triggered her, but the person I had become—an outspoken mental health advocate and recovering addict. This seemed to conflict with the person she remembered, sparking her own emotional journey.

The Surprise of Healing

What began as a difficult conversation about past hurt evolved into something unexpected. She opened up about her struggles with addiction and mental health, including the challenges within her family. In that moment, I realized we were on parallel journeys. By sharing our vulnerabilities, we moved from confrontation to mutual healing. By the end of our conversation, I felt forgiven—and more importantly, connected.

Call to Action: Continual Forgiveness and Letting Go

Forgiveness is an ongoing process, one that may require revisiting old wounds. We must remain open to making amends but also to offering forgiveness, knowing that each person’s healing takes its own path. Whether we receive absolute, conditional, or no forgiveness at all, we must learn to accept whatever form it takes.

Resources:

• Book: “The Book of Forgiving” by Desmond and Mpho Tutu

• TED Talk: The Power of Forgiveness by Fred Luskin

Conclusion: Forgiveness as Healing, or Not

In this case, forgiveness brought healing and support. But not all journeys lead to reconciliation, and that’s okay. Forgiveness, in its many forms, is ultimately about personal growth and the opportunity to create deeper, more meaningful connections.