From Shame to Self-Worth: Why Self-Confidence in Fathers Matters More Today Than We Think

Yesterday, I came across a clip (watch it here) that I can’t stop thinking about.

A radio host is mid-interview when his guest unexpectedly tells him, “You’re a great dad.” The host is visibly shaken. He goes silent and stutters. You can tell—he doesn’t know what to do with that compliment. It hits a nerve. A tender one.

That moment reminded me of myself.

I’m a proud recovering addict. A 43-year-old father of three. A lawyer and business development manager by training and now a recovery support coach and mental health advocate. And for many years, I carried deep shame, imposter syndrome, and crippling low self-esteem despite being an extroverted introvert who thrives in different crowds. Yet despite being through so much, I couldn’t believe I deserved to be seen as “a good father, a good man.” I would deflect, downplay, or dodge every kind word thrown my way.

But now—three years into my recovery journey, through many hours of counselling, daring myself to open up and share—I’m learning something new:
Healing is not just about staying sober. It’s about reclaiming my sense of self-worth. It’s about learning to receive validation, especially when it’s rooted in truth.

To my fellow fathers, especially those in recovery—hear me: your value doesn’t depend on perfection or other people’s validation. Practice self-validation. Work on it with your therapist. Ask your support group to hold you accountable to kindness—not just sobriety. Because how you see yourself becomes the lens through which the world sees you.

To professionals in the workforce—never underestimate the role self-esteem plays in the speed and depth of healing and recovery. Beneath the addiction and the low self-esteem is often a man who’s simply never been told that he is worth it. When he starts to believe this, then he becomes that generational change breaker who affirms other men and his own children, because he is now self-affirming.

And to the world—this first day post Father’s Day, and throughout this June which is “Men’s Mental Health Month,” and beyond, let’s remember to validate the men who are trying to be better, especially fathers who have stumbled and failed to be role models expected of them. Especially those who carry both visible and invisible wounds.

Resilience grows where compassion lives. Let’s replace negative criticism with kindness and constructive feedback, and do away with shame and bring in genuine and tireless support.

Fathers matter. And yes—you, my fellow father, you are doing better than you think. Affirm your progress, let us become that generational change breaker needed to raise our children as self-affirming and abundantly confident men.