“Surround yourself with people whose eyes light up when they see you coming.”

A famous actor’s three rules for stability and longevity have resonated deeply with me. Click here to view the video. The three rules go like this:

1. Surround yourself with people who truly see you.

2. Slowly is the fastest way to get to where you want to be.

3. The top of one mountain is the bottom of another—so keep climbing.

These principles apply universally to recovery—whether from addiction, mental health struggles, or any personal challenge. They remind us that recovery is not about perfection, but about brutal honesty, humility, and progress.

The Importance of Process

Recovery is a marathon, a journey, not a sprint or an instant fix.

Along the way, I’ve been humbled by people like the 104-year-old man I met at an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting, who has been sober for 54 years and never misses an AA meeting because this is a place where he is seen, appreciated, and not judged. His quiet dedication and humility are awe-inspiring, reminding me that recovery requires daily commitment, no matter how long the journey.

At the same time, I’ve encountered people who are arrogant in their recovery, and while their confidence is striking, I’ve learned to see arrogance as something to avoid. It’s a delicate balance—to be proud of how far you’ve come, but always remain humble in the process.

Community and Support

We do not recover in isolation. The people around us shape our journey, for better or worse.

Some may be judgmental or distant, while others, like my two youngest kids, truly light up every time they see me. These are the people who matter—the ones who see past your mistakes and encourage your progress.

My AA and Narcotics Annonymous (NA) communities, followers, and fans of my writings and motivational talks who cheer me on are priceless sources of support, encouraging me to be real and vulnerable about my shortcomings & progress, and reminding me that I’m not alone on this marathon.

The 80/20 Rule

This brings me to my addition to the list, a fourth principle: the 80/20 rule.

I’ve come to realize that 80% of the strength and encouragement I need has to come from within me. Not everyone will believe in your recovery—80% of people might doubt or criticize you—but the 20% who do support you are priceless. Over time, I’ve learned to shift my focus from seeking external validation to relying on self-affirmation.

Recovery is about building resilience from within to withstand criticism, doubts, invalidation & resistance that’s externally directed at you.

Call to Action

To those in recovery or supporting someone who is, respect the process. Progress is found in the journey, not the destination.

Be honest with yourself, stay humble, and focus on the people who truly support you. Avoid the arrogance that can come with success, and embrace the humility that allows growth.

Keep climbing, knowing that setbacks are part of the process and that resilience is built with each step forward.

And yet, always remember to recognize the caregivers and loved ones, including those that criticize, judge & put you down as you try to move forward, understand that they are also walking this path with us—they, too, deserve our deepest gratitude, immense grace & patience.