Letting Go, Letting In, and the Power of Self-Validation in Recovery and Mental Health Management

The Weight of Unforgiveness

Imagine carrying dumbbells in your heart for years, weighed down by anger, pain, and resentment. It’s linked to stress, anxiety, even heart disease. Emotionally, it blocks healing. Spiritually bankrupts your soul. Yet, letting go opens new doors to peace and freedom.

The 80-20 Rule in Sobriety

In early sobriety, I needed 80% validation from those I hurt. I craved their forgiveness, pushing myself on just 20% capacity. From those I did not receive forgiveness, I grew in resentment which in turn increased my chances of relapse and frustration. Now, two years later, I’ve flipped this balance—I’m cheering myself on 80% of the time. Self-validation has become my driving force. Whether I get validated or not, I am less frustrated by your attitude, nonforgiveness or non-recognition. I am finally good with that.

The Serenity Prayer and Forgiveness

For recovering addicts, the Serenity Prayer is powerful: “Accept the things we cannot change”—the harm we caused, and the harm done to us. “Courage to change the things we can”—our mindset, our ability to forgive and let go, and take on new challenges.. The 12 Steps Recovery program guides us to seek forgiveness for our wrongs, but they don’t fully address making peace with those who harmed us. This moral inventory has been a transformative step in my journey.

Key Steps in the 12-Step Process

• Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

• Step 8: Made a list of all persons we harmed, becoming willing to make amends.

• Step 9: Made direct amends wherever possible.

While these steps emphasize accountability, they don’t prepare us to confront those who hurt us—a critical part of real healing.

The Benefits of Letting Go

Letting go reduces stress, improves mental health, and fosters emotional resilience. Spiritually, it brings peace. Emotionally, it clears the way for new growth and experiences.

Some Techniques to Letting Go

• Meditation & Prayer: Helps process emotions and find peace.

• Exercise & Movement: Releases tension and promotes healing.

• Counseling & Therapy: Guides in navigating difficult experiences.

• Assertive Communication: Helps set boundaries and release resentment.

Call to Action

Make a moral inventory of those who harmed you. Watch the video below and share your thoughts with us—recovery is a journey we take together.

Resources

• Book: “The Book of Forgiving” by Desmond Tutu.

• TED Talk: Brené Brown’s “The Power of Vulnerability.”

At Mwangaza wa Sunday, we strive to uncover the Deeper Work of Recovery. We focus on the hard work of recovery & help you confront those who hurt you, and find a path to forgiveness.